so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
