I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
pray to the hookup gods
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
