soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
