We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
