I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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