my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
