Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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