Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
