nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
