no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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