In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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