There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
