Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
