i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
