I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
