I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
