I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
