I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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