she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
