I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
