Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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