my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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