Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
