Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
