OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
