he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
