Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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