Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
