even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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