So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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