you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
