so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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