I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
