ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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