Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just had sex on a roof
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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