I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
