If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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