i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
