It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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