I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
