I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
