Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
