Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
