Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
