The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
