im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
