Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She bit a glass in half.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
