and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
