i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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