Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
