Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
