Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
