I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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