We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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