apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
