I just cut my nipple shaving
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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