How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
