biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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