She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
