Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
