I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
