don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
