Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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