Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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