I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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