Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
