My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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